Heartbreak happens to a lot of us, coming in many different forms. The loss of a loved one, disappointment in school, a heartbreak from the end of a romantic relationship, and sometimes it’s hard to pick yourself up and move on. This is especially true if you’re male, there’s no shame in admitting your heartbreak for a relationship past its prime.
Although studies show women get emotionally broken following the break-up, they recover fully afterward. Men tend to dwell over the regret and carry it for the rest of their lives, although they also eventually move on.
Despite your gender, however, it still depends on you on how you cope and accept the situation. For those who find great difficulty, talking with a close friend or family member about it will greatly help, or read this article to get more ideas and comfort in your time of need. Nowadays, everything has a list and how-tos, so why shouldn’t moving one have one too?
1. Embrace the Hurt and Pain
Okay, before you click away, let’s make it clear that embracing the pain is different from wallowing in it. The latter happens through meditation and consciously allowing emotions to arrive, stay, and go without ignoring or repressing it. This allows you to familiarize with the feeling, make it your own, and release it into the universe. There’s nothing more painful than holding on to emotions you never fully grasped and accepted.
Wallowing in your hurt comes in the form of crying, but with not much acceptance or surrender. You would often lash out, rationalize your feelings, and immediately stop your tears. Sometimes, even just smiling through the tears will prove to be more harmful than good to your emotional state. Those that deny their pain, refuse to release it, and acknowledge it will ultimately meet it over and over again as unresolved heartache for the rest of their lives.
2. Appreciate Your Independence
Breaking away from someone eventually means you have achieved standing alone and being responsible for your happiness. Career choices, hobbies, and the sheer joy of being able to do what you want is a liberating feeling. Achieving this—and refusing to fill the void inside with a rebound—all on your own will create and build your character for the next time you do decide to pursue a relationship.
Of course, it’s not a simple feat. You’d need a long while before you finally stand on your own two feet, and even during that, you need all the help you can get. With that said, here’s how to handle a breakup in a more in-depth explanation. Discover which stage of grief you’re in and you’ll be able to make your way into acceptance in no time.
3. Remind Yourself Pain is Temporary
Let’s face it. Sometimes, no matter how much healthy coping we try to or how many yoga stretches we attempt, the pain rears its ugly head without respect to time and event.
What’s worse about this is not during the night—when you feel most lonely and alone—but during the middle of the day, during your work time, or mid-laugh with a good friend. Sometimes, the tears are unstoppable. Sometimes, you can’t see anything but the pain like a big dark cloud, seeming to stretch forever.
Remind yourself, often, that just as happiness doesn’t last forever, so does pain. Your hurt will subside until it’s nothing but a faint memory, believe it or not. The reason you might disagree is due to the pain occupying most of your viewpoint. Just wait until you take a step back and see it from a faraway perspective—just like Elsa from Frozen said, “It’s funny how some distance makes everything seem small.”
4. High-time For Self-care
Many people think doing self-care after a break-up is some sort of preparation for a comeback one day when they meet their exes. Nothing could be more twisted than this rationale.
Self-care during a heartbreak is simply to remind yourself that you’re still loved despite all the negative things happening around you. Also, since you’ve been doing a lot of crying and staying up late, an intense skincare routine should be done so you won’t look worn or gaunt.
Self-care also becomes a necessity when it comes to mental health. A psychology article claims self-care to be crucial to maintain a healthy mind and heart. It promotes self-confidence and self-assurance. When you begin to develop these characteristics, a positive outlook begins and affects our overall mindset.
5. Get Your Body Involved
Other than pursuing your dreams and doing long-lost hobbies, proper exercise can greatly help with coping with the heartbreak. Instead of letting it out on yourself, releasing all the pent-up frustrations and hurt from your body in the form of sweat and stretching muscles could be a healthy way to deal with it. The aches in your body could also remind you you’re moving forward, making progress, and you’re in no way numb.
6. Be Kind to Yourself
Perhaps the most important thing to do is to accept that it wasn’t your fault—it wasn’t anyone’s fault. You don’t need to start the blame game and attack yourself. Just as you wouldn’t pin the blame on them, you shouldn’t blame yourself either, because you did your best and the times just weren’t in favour of the both of you.
7. Put Your Pain into Paper
Your pain can be turned into words, more tangible, and comprehensible than the tangle of thoughts and feelings running through your mind. By jotting down all your hurt, or making a letter for your ex, you’ll be able to symbolically objectify your feelings and read them for your understanding. After you’ve written it (nothing fancy, even if its word vomit as long as it’s honest) you can either burn it or tear it to pieces.
The undeniable feeling of liberation and finality as you watch the paper curl and disintegrate into ash feels like your hurt and the past has laid in the ash as well. Revel in the feeling of destroying the letter or write-up because that also symbolizes all of your suffering and pain.